jerkidiot

Educating a Friend

  • Me: So, let's say that you're at school and you see a guy you know. I mean, you guys talk every once in a while and he's pretty cool, but you're not like friends or anything. You just talk to him every once in a while.
  • Guy Friend: What's his name?
  • Me: I don't know. Frank?
  • Guy Friend: No.
  • Me: Okay, fine. His name is Will. Okay?
  • Guy Friend: I don't think it really suits him, but okay.
  • Me: ...So anyway, you're at school during lunchtime and you see Will. So, you notice Will's not eating anything. That's when you realize that Will has no lunch, no money for lunch, and no way of getting either. He's just sitting there like he normally would. He's not acting any differently and he's not asking anyone for anything. Not money, not a fry, not even a salt packet, but you know he's gotta be hungry. So, what do you do?
  • Guy Friend: Do I have any money?
  • Me: Yeah. You have enough for you and another meal.
  • Guy Friend: Duh, I buy him lunch.
  • Me: Okay, cool. So, like you said, you buy him lunch. You buy your lunch and you buy his lunch and you go over and hand it to him. And, he says, "Wow. You know, that's really nice of you, but I wasn't gonna ask anyone for lunch. I was probably just gonna wait until I got home to eat." And, then you say--
  • Guy Friend: Nah, it's cool.
  • Me: Exactly. You say, "Nah, it's cool. I'm just being nice. It's a gift." And, Will says, "You know, that's awesome. You're really nice, bro." And, after that, you guys start hanging out. You guys are like really good buds. You are always hanging out and laughing and just having a good time. So, you guys are friends for a few months, and it's tons of fun. Then, one day, you go up to Will and you say, "Hey, Will, you know, I've been thinking, and I kinda want that five bucks."
  • Guy Friend: What five bucks?
  • Me: Hold on. I'm getting there. So, Will says, "What five bucks?" To which, you reply, "Well, we've been hanging out for a long time and it's been really fun, but like, I've done a lot of really nice things for you. Like, I'm always nice to you and I always listen and do things you wanna do, so I was thinking that because I've been so nice, you should pay me back that five bucks I spent to get your lunch right before we started really hanging out."
  • Guy Friend: What? Why would I--
  • Me: I'm not done yet. So, then Will looks kinda hurt and he says, "But I thought you were just being nice. I thought that was just a gift." So, you say, "Whether or not it was a gift, don't you think you kinda owe me that five bucks since I've been so nice to you?" And, Will says, "No. I don't think I owe you that!" And you get mad, so you say, "Well, I think that you do, so I think you're being really shitty and stuck up about this and I feel like I've been completely wronged."
  • Guy Friend: Oh, my God. That's so fucked up of me. I would never do that to Will. Will was nice. We were buds. That's way screwed.
  • Me: I know, right? Hey, just wondering, have you ever heard of this fictional place called "The Friendzone?"
  • Guy Friend: Well, yeah, but...
  • Guy Friend: ...
  • Guy Friend: ...
  • Guy Friend: oh
littlekissesxoxo

silvertongue-turnedtolead:

theannieplanet:

so im babysitting this girl right now and we’re watching tv and the satellite sort of cut out cause it was raining really hard
so i just said “thunder god if you give back our satellite i’ll give you ice cream”
a second later the thunder clapped again and our tv came back
the girl is forcing me to hold up my end of the deal so guess who’s making ice cream for the thunder god

image

danisnotonfirefanpage
danisnotonfirefanpage:

thefloridiot:

cumnog:

Is that Detox?

you guys stop putting makeup on your animals!! it is bad for their fur and can hurt them if they are allergic!! cats, and any other animal, were not meant to have things meant for human skin on them and it can be very bad for them!! plus, the whole process of applying it is not something they enjoy!! please stop!!

my dog would not stop bothering me until i would dust her nose with my make up brush.. my dog enjoyed it.. i find this hilarious 

danisnotonfirefanpage:

thefloridiot:

cumnog:

Is that Detox?

you guys stop putting makeup on your animals!! it is bad for their fur and can hurt them if they are allergic!! cats, and any other animal, were not meant to have things meant for human skin on them and it can be very bad for them!! plus, the whole process of applying it is not something they enjoy!! please stop!!

my dog would not stop bothering me until i would dust her nose with my make up brush.. my dog enjoyed it.. i find this hilarious 

anotherwillgrayson

ereri-is-love-ereri-is-life:

dggeoff:

im sick and tired of fuckin frozen everywhere like “do you wanna bui-” NO BITCH I DONT WANNA BUILD NO MOTHERFUCKIN SNOWMAN ITS FUCKING SUMMER THIS SHIT CAME OUT IN GODDAMN NOVEMBER STOP FUCKING SHOVING IT DOWN OUR THROATS I SHOULD PUNT YOU ACROSS THE CONTINENTAL UNITED STATES AND INTO FUCKING RUSSIA BUILD A FUCKING SNOWMAN THERE IN THE GULAG YOU WANKSTAIN

It doesn’t have to be a snowman